The Eras Tour, Ranked
Taylor Swift’s Facemelting Extravaganza in 13 Lists
Today, Taylor Swift turns 34 and releases for digital purchase the filmed version of her hotly-anticipated, headline-grabbing stadium tour that will end when she is approximately 64. At that point, I will still be processing the life-altering experience of having witnessed The Eras Tour live and in person back in May. But for now, I feel compelled to express something of my response, and the best way I know to do that is through arbitrary, extremely subjective lists. So to celebrate, I here give you, in thirteen (of course) categories with varying levels of contrivedness: The Eras Tour, Ranked.
Note: All observations that follow are based on my personal experience at MetLife Stadium Night 2 and are therefore unbiased and indisputable.
I. Best Era Set
9. Speak Now
A for quality, D for quantity.
8. 1989
Essential hits but no deep cuts. An understandable concession to the normals.
7. Red
6. Lover
5. Fearless
I realize you could make the same critiques here I did for Speak Now or 1989, but, uh… well, I didn’t promise logic.
4. Reputation
Never has an audience been so hyped.
3. Evermore
2. Midnights
1. Folklore
Tell me again how the folkier songs aren’t stadium-ready? I can’t hear you over the screaming crowd!
Not Ranked: Debut Era :(
II. Songs I Was Most Pleasantly Surprised Made the Setlist
9. The Archer
8. Betty
I didn’t know how many we would get from Folklore, or if this would make the cut. In retrospect, how could she have left it out?
7. ’Tis the Damn Season
6. Illicit Affairs
Even severly truncated, this was a stunner.
5. Mastermind
4. Tolerate It
3. Enchanted
This wasn’t much of a “surprise” once she namechecked it in the tour announcement, but it was so fervently my most hoped-for live song that it still felt too good to be true. And considering we only got one from Speak Now… I will treasure forever that she made the correct choice.
2. Marjorie
1. My Tears Ricochet
III. Songs I Would Have Betrayed Everyone I’ve Ever Loved to Add to the Main Setlist
12. Happiness
I know. This one’s unhinged.
11. Treacherous
10. Mary’s Song (Oh My, My, My)
9. I Know Places
8. Maroon
7. Seven
6. Ivy
5. Mine
4. The Way I Loved You
3. I Think He Knows
It is a great tragedy of the universe that this song has not lived the life of an undisputed banger.
2. You’re on Your Own, Kid
1. Death by a Thousand Cuts
IV. Corniest Banter
5. “Whaaaaat? Really? I can’t believe you guys are still applauding… for lil ol’ me???”
4. “You make me feel… powerful.
[flexes, kisses bicep]
Like I could do… anything I wanted.
[walks back to obviously corporate-themed setpiece]
And people would say… that was cool.
[puts on flashy blazer]
I guess what I’m trying to say is… I feel like… THE MAN.”
3. “But I’d like to do one more song from Red. That is… if you have TEN MINUTES to spare.”
2. “New Jersey! We’ve come to the very first bridge of the night. And I’m hoping we can cross it together.”
You’d better believe I was already halfway through “…cried like a baby coming home from the bar” when I realized she’d delayed it coming out of the chorus.
1. “Hi! I’m Taylor.”
LMAO girl. We know.
V. Sickest Transition
7. Stage Dive
Sorry if I think this was overrated… couldn’t actually see it from my angle though.
6. Wildest Dreams → Bad Blood
5. Folklore Era → 1989 Era
4. Countdown / Opening Sequence
Yes, this obviously counts as a transition. From a world before seeing Eras Tour to the rest of our lives.
3. Lover Era → Fearless Era
2. August → Illicit Affairs
1. “Don’t blame for what… you… made… me… do.”
If MetLife had a roof, this would’ve blown it sky-high.
VI. Best Choreography / Stage Visual
10. Delicate
9. The Last Great American Dynasty
8. Don’t Blame Me
7. Willow
6. Blank Space
5. Midnight Rain
4. Tolerate It
3. Mastermind
2. Look What You Made Me Do
1. Vigilante Shit
Yes, I know. I’m going directly to horny jail. See you there.
Honorable Mention: Whenever they all walked forward together in unison. Worked every time.
VII. Smartest Concertgoing Decisions
6. Sunscreen
5. Comfortable shoes
4. Snacks
3. Earplugs
2. Skipping the merch line
1. Taking public transit
VIII. Most Unhinged Friendship Bracelets I Saw on TikTok
13. ATWTMVTVFTV
12. DEAR JOHN • U SUCK
10. MIRRORBALLZ
9. SWIFTSBURGH • CITY OF BRIDGES
Shout-out to my hometown!
8. ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SLAY
7. WILLOW (LONELY WITCH VERSION)
6. I WAS ENCHANTED TO MEAT YOU
5. [like 7 different transliterations of the sound from I Did Something Bad]
2. RWYHTBTSTSIAHRWYSCBIDTBWTSCUIWLAY
1. CHAMPAGNE PORBELMS
Not ranked: HUSTLE.
IX. Cut Lyrics I Missed the Most
5. I parked the car right between the Methodist and the school that used to be ours.
4. A drug that only works the first few hundred times.
3. In this passenger seat, you put your eyes on me; in this moment now, capture it, remember it!
2. Lingering question kept me up: 2 A.M., who do you love?
1. Trick me once; trick me twice; don’t you know that cash ain’t the only price?
No hate to Ice Spice, and it was sweet of Taylor to bring her out for the NYC area shows… but I came to this temple to worship one deity, and this was our closing prayer.
X. Objectively Correct Ranking of Surprise Song Sets
First leg only.
53. Sad Beautiful Tragic / Ours
52. Stay Stay Stay / All of the Girls You’ve Loved Before
51. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things / Everything Has Changed
50. Holy Ground / False God
Yep, this was mine. She did this to troll me, and I respect that.
49. Jump Then Fall / The Lucky One
48. Message in a Bottle / Tied Together with a Smile
47. Paper Rings / If This Was a Movie
46. A Place in This World / Today Was a Fairytale
45. Welcome to New York / Clean
44. Cowboy Like Me / White Horse
43. The Other Side of the Door / Coney Island
42. Last Kiss / Dorothea
41. Never Grow Up / When Emma Falls in Love
40. Right Where You Left Me / Castles Crumbling
39. Gold Rush / Come Back… Be Here
38. I Bet You Think About Me / How You Get the Girl
37. High Infidelity / Gorgeous
36. Starlight / Back to December
35. You All Over Me / I Don’t Wanna Live Forever
34. Hey Stephen / The Best Day
33. Question…? / Invisible
32. Mr. Perfectly Fine / The Last Time
31. I Can See You / Maroon
30. I Wish You Would / The Lakes
29. Begin Again / Cold as You
28. Our Song / You Are in Love
27. Our Song / Snow on the Beach
26. Mad Woman / Mean
25. Wonderland / You’re Not Sorry
24. Should’ve Said No / Better Man
23. New Romantics / New Year’s Day
22. I’m Only Me When I’m with You / Evermore
21. Picture to Burn / Timeless
20. The Great War / You’re on Your Own, Kid
19. Mirroball / Tim McGraw
18. Seven / The Story of Us
17. Ivy / Call It What You Want
16. Sparks Fly / Teardrops on My Guitar
15. Haunted / I Almost Do
14. State of Grace / This Is Me Trying
13. Speak Now / Treacherous
12. Dress / Exile
11. Death by a Thousand Cuts / Clean
10. I Know Places / King of My Heart
9. All You Had to Do Was Stay / Breathe
8. Dear John / Daylight
7. Getaway Car / Maroon
Missed this by one night. Unreal.
6. Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve / Mine
5. Out of the Woods / Fifteen
4. Forever and Always / This Love
3. I Think He Knows / Red
2. Hits Different / The Moment I Knew
1. Death by a Thousand Cuts / You’re on Your Own, Kid
XI. Coolest Confetti
No I’m not padding this out to thirteen lists with a pointless ranking, why do you ask?
4. Red confetti
3. All Too Well snow
2. Eras confetti
1. All Too Well leaves
XII. Songs That Made Me Cry
7. The Archer
I, too, cut off my nose just to spite my face and hated my reflection for years and years.
6. My Tears Ricochet
Well, they did!
5. All Too Well
A song in its fullness is a sacred prayer.
4. Enchanted
I listened to this on repeat on the way home the night I met my partner of 10+ years. It’s a big one.
3. You Belong with Me
For some reason, it struck me for the first time during the performance that this song I have known for so many years offers a metaphor for my life before I had a relationship with Swift’s music. I wasted so much time avoiding and denying the art I was meant to love — that was made, in fact, specifically for me — yet it was always there waiting. “I’m the one who understands you, been here all along, so why can’t you see?” I do now.
2. Mastermind
Similarly, I have come to interpret this song as a metaphor for the relationship between Taylor and her fans; like a benevolent god to her people, she chose us before we even knew, and we love her for it.
1. Marjorie
My own grandmother had died just a month earlier. This was emotionally overwhelming. What a magnificent song.
XIII. Lines That Felt Incredible to Scream with 72,000 Strangers in the Presence of Our Queen
11. ’CAUSE I KNEW EVERYTHING WHEN I WAS YOUNG!
10. EVERY LOVE I’VE KNOWN IN COMPARISON IS A FAILURE!
9. STANDIN’ IN YOUR… CARDIGAN!
8. MY EX-MAN BROUGHT HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND SHE’S LIKE OH MY GOD!
7. DON’T CALL ME KID, DON’T CALL ME BABY!
6. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PARKING LOT… YEAH!
5. ONE, TWO, THREE, LET’S GO B*TCH!
4. YEAH YOU CALLED ME UP AGAIN JUST TO BREAK ME LIKE A PROMISE, SO CASUALLY CRUEL IN THE NAME OF BEING HONEST!
3c. HE LOOKS UP GRINNIN’ LIKE A DEVIL!
3b. I DON’T WANNA KEEP SECRETS JUST TO KEEP YOU!
3a. I LOVE YOU AINT’ THAT THE WORST THING YOU EVER HEARD!
2. IT’S A SHAME SHE’S FUCKED IN THE HEAD!
1. AND I WAS NEVER GOOD AT TELLIN’ JOKES BUT THE PUNCHLINE GOES I’LL GET OLDER BUT YOUR LOVERS STAY MY AGE FROM WHEN YOUR BROOKLYN BROKE MY SKIN AND BONES I’M A SOLDIER WHO’S RETURNING HALF HER WEIGHT AND DID THE TWIN FLAME BRUISE PAINT YOU BLUE? JUST BETWEEN US DID THE LOVE AFFAIR MAIM YOU TOO ’CAUSE IN THIS CITY’S BARREN COLD I STILL REMEMBER THE FIRST FALL OF SNOW AND HOW IT GLISTENED AS IT FELL… I REMEMBER IT ALL TOO WELL!
If you’ve read this far, I thank you, and invite you to comment with your own thoughts. Merry Swiftmas, and a happy “New Year’s Day (Taylor’s Version)”… soon.
